After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
