it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
