You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
