At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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