When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
