I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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