good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
smell my finger.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my shit smells like andre
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
