the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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