I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
