do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
