I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize