You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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