Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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