just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
