it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
