You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
