ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
