Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
