where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
