Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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