I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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