How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
