For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
