i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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