I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
