Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
