I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
