you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
