What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize