I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
