i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
