the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
