Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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