Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
