ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize