THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
