I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He passed out mid-signature
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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