im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize