I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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