You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
