Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
