she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
