Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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