Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
