I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
