Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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