I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
...so i touched it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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