Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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