my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
