i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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