and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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