Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
