i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
