thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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