I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
