i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
