Ambien. No doubt about it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to calm my uterus...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
