girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
