Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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