I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
