Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
