He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
