you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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