GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
