i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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