do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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