She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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