My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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