The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
