Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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