I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
