so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
