she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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