I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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