Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
