I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
