As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
